"The men are crying on my shoulder." A strip dancer tells about soldiers coming from the war 

Lera [we change her name] worked in a strip club in one of the northern regions of Russia. In the spring of 2022, the military started coming to the club. At first, they were timid, then increasingly brazen and uncontrollable. Young guys with bulging eyes and fat salaries; older ones, with tired voices and hands trembling from alcohol. Some tried to talk, some immediately offered money for sex, some just sat in the corner and were silent, as if they had fallen inside themselves. Lera watched as the war seeped into her everyday life — into music, into dances, into tears and fear.

Lera's story

I work in striptease. For about two years now. No outcalls, no sex. Just stage, dances, privates. I used to be a hairdresser, but I burned out. I've always liked dancing, especially pole dancing. A friend passed my contacts to the club director, and he invited me for an interview. I refused for a long time: it seemed that striptease was always close to prostitution. But in the club, they immediately told me: there would be no prostitution. I came for a trial shift — I liked it. And yes, the money is completely different than in a regular job.

We mainly earned from privates or shows. A private is a private dance. When you take a guest to a small room, you dance for him completely naked. 

We dance, we undress. We can be touched, but each of us has our own boundaries. I cannot be touched in intimate areas — and I always state this. But these rules are often violated. If they are violated — I simply stop the dance. 

We dance, we undress. We can be touched, but each of us has our own boundaries.

There was an incident when a 'svoshnik' [soldier in the war] decided to stick two fingers in my butt during a private dance. Without warning. I had explained the rules beforehand. He was a soldier who, during the private dance, talked about how he loves it when he's hurt. After this incident, I realised how important it is to maintain boundaries.

Guests constantly offer sex after the dance - they ask for more. They offer money. 

After the war began, the flow of military personnel — soldiers, contract soldiers — increased sharply. They come in all sorts. Young, straight from the front, 18-22 years old. Many of them haven't had sex. But they have loads of money. It blows their minds, they spend like crazy. One of them begged: "Can I just lick you?" He said: "I've never had a woman at all. And I've already fought." I told him: "That's not allowed here, we are a respectable establishment." And he replied: "I've never even had sex."

They come in all sorts. Young, straight from the front, 18-22 years old. Many of them haven't had sex. But they have loads of money.

There are older ones. One, a frequent guest of mine, once said: "Why do I need a family if I'm going to be killed tomorrow?" Others come just to cry. We call them 'complicated svoshniks' among ourselves. They order hookah, alcohol, private dances, but not for the show. Just to talk. Or to sit silently next to a woman. 

Many of my clients in Russia were law enforcement officers. Investigators, cops, FSB agents. They are all drawn to the "exotic." I'm covered in tattoos. One of them directly said: "I chose you because you're not like everyone else." They tell me what they do. They openly say why they initiate criminal cases. And they cry. My head holds a huge amount of compromising material. I remember an investigator crying.

One FSB officer admitted that he does not support the regime but cannot leave the system. Because "it's all over." He, by the way, was involved in political cases. We discussed the Putin regime with him. Just streams of male tears on my shoulders. They know I won't reveal anything. 

There are also "dead servicemen." It's really tough. They come in uniform. Fully equipped. They sit in the corner and remain silent without any contact. Sometimes they go to karaoke — but don't sing. They just sit silently for two hours, smoke hookah, drink whiskey. I spent the whole evening in karaoke with one of them. He chose me himself, ordered everything — and remained silent. It's scary. You don't know what's in his head. He might drink too much — and that's it.

They seem to not perceive us as a threat. We are naked, vulnerable — and it seems to disarm them.

Do they show aggression? Yes, but not towards us. They seem to not perceive us as a threat. We are naked, vulnerable — and it seems to disarm them. But they fight among themselves, with the security too. One incident was terrifying. Two guests were kicked out for being drunk. An hour later they returned with a crowd. They trashed the club. One of them was shooting. I don't know exactly what kind of weapon it was, maybe pneumatic. The girls went hiding. They shot at the DJ booth, at the bar. Then we were evacuated. The police didn't detain anyone, didn't even take statements — because "there's no need." That's when I decided: that's it. I'm leaving.

I moved. I left to work in another country. The striptease is the same. But it's safer here. Here I can say: "I am against Putin." In Russia, you could be imprisoned for that. I left and started all over again. I earn more here. But I find it hard to understand the local men. A lot of testosterone, primitive reactions. But I'm not afraid here.

I have faced public condemnation. "You're dirty, you're doing the wrong thing, you need to leave." I still face it to this day. I tried to prove that it's a job like any other. Now I don't prove anything. It's my choice, I don't want to listen to anyone's opinion, especially unsolicited ones. 

The men who came to me often earned less. So they were jealous, devalued me, said: "You're in the dirt." Because it's hard for them to accept that a woman can earn more. That she chooses for herself. They say: "It's easy money." But I give my all. Mentally, physically.

I do not support prostitution. It's violence. People don't go there from a good life. It's not a conscious choice. Home visits are always a risk. There was a girl we worked with in the same network. She went on a home visit. Two days later, she was found with her head cut off. But striptease can be a choice, the main thing is to keep boundaries.